Why are We Friends?

Friends...they are with us at our brightest moments and in our darkest hours. They bring a dimension to our lives that cannot be filled by relatives, colleagues or lovers.

The need for friendship begins almost when our lives do. As soon as we are old enough to recognize the world outside ourselves, our parents and our siblings, our innate needs for social interaction kicks in...what drives this instinct to build a circle of friends and why do we become fast friends with some people, but stay acquaintances with others? Why do other individuals become adversaries?

Humans are a social species, Perhaps this developed as part of the evolutionary process. We had large brains, but rather inferior bodies compares to the other creatures we lived among which considered us prey. Our offspring took considerably longer to mature than other species. A  cooperative effort was essential to find food and provide protection. Family groups banded together to form societies and staying alive became a bit easier, and yet, we still found a need to belong.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, places friendship on the third level, right after physiological needs and safety needs. According to Maslow this need is so ingrained, that it may overcome the even our most basic needs especially in childhood.

So what factors come into play when we choose our friends?

The first factor is proximity.  We tend to choose friends from a pool of convenient individuals. After all we are looking for people to interact with, the closer they are to us physically, the more likely we are to interact.

Next we tend to gravitate towards people who share our opinions and interests. Sharing passions and being like thinking gives a basis to the friendship, a sense of being of the same "tribe".

We also tend to be interested in people who are in similar life or career stages. Again, the feeling of a common experience fuels friendship.

It is also true however, that sometimes we are friends with someone who is nothing like us! Perhaps they are adventurous  and we are quite shy. Or we have different political or religious leanings. These friends help us to explore those qualities that we may not have but wish we did or to discover cultural differences to which we'd never been exposed!

Regardless of how or why we choose our friends, they are essential to both our health and happiness.  Much research points to an active and engaged social circle a an indicator of longevity  and good health. 

In a time when collecting "friends" on social media has become something of a competitive game, let's look at those flesh and blood friends who know us, sustain us and bring joy into our lives.

Making and nurturing friendships adds fun, fulfillment and health to our lives, regardless as to how or why we have chosen them!

Be Well!