Why Do I Do That?

Do you ever wonder why you keep making the same bad decisions? Why do certain behaviors cause you irrational fear? Why are you finding it so difficult to move forward in your relationship, your career, your life? 

Pebbles in the Stream

Yesterday I talked about choices, and how every decision we do or do not make shapes who we are today.  The decisions that were made for us by our parents and the environments we were exposed to as children collectively shaped us. Understanding why we act or react in a certain way or make the choices we do can help us make changes which will enhance our lives and let us see more clearly why we do the things we do!

I always wondered why I was so terrified of confrontation. All someone had to do was raise their voice or make a threatening gesture and suddenly I felt like a 5-year old ready to flee and hide under the bed. When put in these situations as an adult, I rarely challenged the antagonist or took up the argument. I did whatever I needed to do to escape the situation. These were not life threatening scenarios, but usually challenges to my ideas or opinions. I allowed myself to be taken advantage of and bullied. 

While taking with a therapist I mentioned that I was angry that I was unable to stand my ground in these situations and I described what I felt, that I felt helpless and child-like. I discovered that this reaction was likely a direct response to my father's behavior. He had a terrible temper and although he never physically hurt me, his threatening presence and loud voice frightened me and as an adult those unpleasant childhood feelings resurfaced when faced with an aggressive and loud argument. I couldn't stand up for myself and retreated or changed my opinion to resolve and calm the circumstances.

An interesting book entitled Why do I Do That?  by Joseph Burgo, PhD addresses how we can recognize these defense mechanisms  and help readers :...improve their relationships, manage their emotional lives more effectively and develop authentic self-esteem that will last."

Understanding the reasons why we and others in our lives, behave in certain ways and make the decisions we do, can help us, make better choices as we continue along our journey.

Be Well!